HomeHistoryBeliefsMinistriesSermonsVideoStaffLocationAffiliationsContact Us

Baptistman

Baptistman was a movie we never intended to make.  During the premiere of “Mission Pentecost”         in May of 1999, we included a mock preview called “Baptistman” before the feature presentation: 

 

 

 

Foreboding music and a slowly emerging Baptistman logo appears to dramatic narration: “In a        world where people have turned mean and nasty, there is a voice of reason…and love.”  The          scene quickly unfolds to a fender-bender collision with two angry motorists nearly coming blows,     each blaming the other for the mishap.  Out from behind the two cars leaps a cowl-caped figure, dressed in black, looking suspiciously like Batman. 

 

Angry motorists fight

 

Cowl-caped hero steps in

 

He breaks up the ensuing fight, reminds the two motorists of the Bible’s encouragement for them         to love one another.  The two become deeply convicted, shake hands, and embrace in a bear hug,   each making their heart-felt apology to the other.

 

The Bible says love one another

 

Heartfelt apologies

 

His work now done, our hero leaps out of the scene.  One motorist asks “Hey, who are you?”            Our hero whips around and says in weighty dramatic fashion-- “I’m Baptistman” – Dramatic music ensues as we see Baptistman skipping through a field in slow motion, flapping his wings, but       unable to take flight.  Fade to black – “Coming Soon to a Theater Near You.”

 

Hilarious!  And that was all that was meant to come of it.   Over time, however, church members    began to approach Pastor/Director Tom inquiring when “Baptistman” would be made.  Inspired by   these inquiries, the director took upon himself to write a screenplay using the existing material of       the mock preview as fodder for what has now become known as Lighthouse Church’s funniest     movie.   A filming schedule was made, props were assembled, costumes were sewn, and a Baptistmobile was constructed from an old 1987 Ford Escort.  One year later, “Baptistman” was premiered to a packed house at Lighthouse Church.

 

 

  

THE PLOT

 

Not content with being mean and nasty all by himself, the mysterious and evil Pieface devises a heinous plan to infect the entire city with wrath-laced banana cream pies.  The first victims:  his    faithful butler, Ezra, and the plush Mr. Softy – who reluctantly become Pieface’s evil henchmen.

 

         A talking to with Mr. Softy

 

                  Pieface and butler Ezra

 

    Pieface Pressures Ezra to eat some pie

 

Mr. Softy infected with wrath extract

 

But not to fear, Baptistman and Baptistboy patrol the streets in their Baptistmobile seeking to      protect the city from evil-doers.

 

Baptistboy seeing some strange things

 

But first, lunch.  During their meal, Commissioner Gorgon places an emergency call to Baptistman      to come to police headquarters immediately.   But, unwittingly, Baptistboy has already eaten a      piece of wrath-laced banana cream pie.   The plot thickens.

 

    Commissioner Gorgon waits patiently

 

Baptistboy soon to be filled with rage

 

Impatient at having to wait at the cashier, Baptistboy flips out in the restaurant.  His wrath-filled       body out of control, he runs outside in a mad fit.  Baptistman, in pursuit, must render Baptistboy unconscious with a whiff of baptistgas.  However, due to his own ineptness, Baptistman       accidentally sprays himself with baptistgas as well.

 

Baptistman readies the baptistgas

 

The dynamic duo are both rendered unconscious for 7 days – plenty of time for Pieface to       perpetrate his evil plan to distribute 5 million wrath-filled pies to the city.

 

The Pieface Pie Factory

 

Making the pies full of wrath extract

 

Pieface and Mr. Softy in diabolical laughter

 

 

Commissioner and Chief about to eat a wrath-laced pie

 

 

By the time Baptistman and Baptistboy wake up, the entire city has been plunged into chaos.     Though very late, the dynamic due make a bee-line for police headquarters to see if anything            can be done about all the rage in the city.

 

Newscast spells certain doom for city

 

 

Baptistboy frustrated at Baptistman's crying

 

 

Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed

 

 

Baptistmobile flyby at 300 m.p.h.

 

 

Arriving at headquarters, Baptistman and Baptistboy find Commissioner Gorgon and Chief O’Harry       at each other’s throats.  Their attempt to break up the fight is interrupted by “The Pieface Show”          on a nearby television.  In the broadcast, which appears suspiciously like The Johnny Carson        show, Pieface gleefully informs Baptistman and the world that there’s nothing that can be done to    stop all the rage in the city.

 

The Pieface Show interrupts the fight

 

"and now the whole city is infected with wrath!"

 

Baptistman sings

A chorus of four

 

 

With no solution in sight, Baptistman, turns dramatically to sing a musical number about their quandary.  Baptistboy, Chief O’Harry, and Commissioner Gorgon all join the chorus to sing,          during which Baptistman gets an idea to go where they should have gone all along for the answer          --to church.

 

The dynamic duo arrive at church

 

While Baptistboy is busy running for his life from a vicious lion that emerged from the building, Baptistman discovers an open Bible inside the church auditorium.  Coming upon Proverbs 15:1           he excitedly receives the answer to stop the city’s state of rage---“A gentle answer turns away       wrath”

 

The answer is revealed

 

Baptistman emerges with a new plan

 

Baptistboy consoles the distraught lion

 

A ferocious but cowardly lion

 

Emerging like Moses coming down the mountain, Baptistman stands victoriously on the church    steps, telling Baptistboy that he received the answer.  Excitedly, the dynamic duo break out in             a mad sprint through the city.  Forgetting why they were running all over town, Baptistman narrows    the focus of their mission and calls out “…to the Baptistboat!”   Having climbed aboard the baptist-   boat and rowed to the center of a lake, it takes several moments of enjoying the moment of      relaxation before Baptistboy asks Baptistman what they are doing in the middle of a lake.  Finding      no good reason in his mind, Baptistman re-directs Baptistboy to row ashore.

 

The Dynamic Duo go running through town for no good reason

 

"...to the Baptistboat!"

 

Row row row your boat

 

"Wow, it sure is pretty out here"

 

"Back to the shore, Baptistboy!"

 

Happening upon two wrath-filled men in a park fighting over a chess game, Baptistman decides           to try a gentle answer to turn away wrath.  Breaking up the fight, he gently reminds them to love        one another and consider how silly they are for fighting over such trivial matters.  Deep conviction overcome the chess players.  They shake hands and hug, offering each other their apologies.   Baptistboy is elated:  “It works, it really works.  A gentle answer DOES turn away wrath!”

 

A gentle answer turns away wrath

 

Baptistman and Baptistboy split up to offer a gentle answer with anyone they meet who is full of     rage.   Back at the Pie Factory, Pieface learns how Baptistman is reversing the effects of his        wrath-laced pies. He determines to confront Baptistman himself.   Loading a Super-Soaker water      gun with concentrated wrath extract, Pieface sets out to take care of Baptistman once and for all.

 

Meanwhile, back at the Pie Factory...

 

"I must face Baptistman myself!"

 

Arming with deadly extract

 

"This is insane!"

 

Pieface confronts Baptistboy first

 

 

Baptistboy gets full dose of wrath extract!

 

 

In the climactic confrontation, Pieface has taken Baptistboy prisoner, who is under some kind of hypnotic control.  Baptistboy then lures Baptistman unto an old wooden bridge.  Pieface and  Ezra   then seize both ends of the bridge, effectively trapping Baptistman in the middle.

 

Baptistman trapped

 

"Time to get mean and nasty!"

 

Ezra aims to fire

 

 

Baptistman tricks Ezra into giving up the Super Soaker

 

 

Through a little verbal trickery, Baptistman cons Ezra in to giving him his Super Soaker.  But remembering Proverbs 15:1, Baptistman decides not to fire at Pieface but give a gentle answer            to turn away wrath.  Undaunted, Pieface fires a blast of concentrated wrath extract directly in Baptistman’s face, to which Baptistman calmly and gently states “…you know, you just need    someone to love, don’t you?”   The gentle answer catches Pieface off-guard.  He reels back,       collects himself and fires again.  Instead of retaliating, Baptistman gently says “God loves you.         You know, love makes the world go ‘round.”   That’s the final blow.  Pieface collapses in a heap, resigned to the truth.  He cries out “Yes, yes! I know it does!” and throws the Super Soaker down         in defeat.

 

Direct hit...

 

...but a gentle answer given

 

Compassionately, Baptistman offers Pieface a towel (to “wipe that stuff off your face”).   Cleansed    from the awful wrath, the man formerly known as Pieface lifts his eyes to the heavens and declares   that he feels better.  But Baptistman is stunned to recognize that his former enemy is actually his    long lost twin brother.  The two hug in a brotherly embrace and cry tears of joy at the reunion.

 

Baptistman prepares to clean Pieface up

 

 

"I feel...better"

 

 

Brothers hug

 

 

"This is too weird--This whole movie is too weird"

 

 

With all the wrath-laced pies destroyed, and Pieface and Ezra returned to normal, the city is safe    once again.  Baptistman & Baptistboy breathe a sigh of relief that they won’t have to deal with        anger and rage anymore.  But what’s this?  Someone is still making pies using wrath extract!          Who could it be?  Is it?….Yes….It’s Mr. Softy!

 

Mr. Softy keeping the threat alive

 

Ending Credits

 

 

 

 

 

BAPTISTMAN NOW AVAILABLE ON DVD

 

Baptistman was first released on VHS in September 2001.  Now, it is available in         a Special Edition DVD.  Included in this new format is the definitive Director’s Cut Version of the movie and a host of bonus features:  trailers, outtakes, commercials,  and a special photo session of the main characters.

 

If you would like a copy of BAPTISTMAN  SPECIAL EDITION DVD

please contact us at 847-838-0616.